Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Paragraph Rubric.

One key idea (usually in the first sentence with supporting details in the next sentences).
Sentences are connected and build up the MAIN idea.
A variety of sentence beginnings.
A variety of sentence types (. ? ! "")
A variety of sentence lengths.
Specific words (clever vocabulary) chosen carefully and used appropriately.

Task: Choose my favourite paragraph to evaluate how effective it is.

I've attempted to write about one main idea.
I have a key idea in the first sentence with supporting details in the following sentences.
I've used sentences that are connected and build up the main idea
Sentence Beginnings
I've attempted to use more than one varied sentence beginning.
I've used some carefully chosen vocabulary/clauses as sentence beginnings.
I've used carefully chosen vocabulary/clauses as sentence beginnings.
Variety of Sentences
I've attempted to use a variety of sentence types, lengths or complexities.
I've used a variety of sentence types (.?!"") and sentence lengths and complexities
I've carefully chosen a variety of sentence types, lengths & complexities to enhance the paragraph.
I've attempted to use some clever vocabulary.
I've chosen some clever vocabulary and have tried to use it appropriately.
I've carefully chosen clever vocabulary and have used it appropriately.

Wow vanessa I can see you working really well on re design our courtyard.

Marked by Caroline.

We need a very good Extreme Makeover for room 17’s courtyard.There are many reasons for this.

The reason why we need a makeover is because our school is crowded by the years 7,8 , and some little kids could get hurt.I think people does not like coming here because its ugly and small places to play.This is not good.

In winter, our fields are always closed and our courts are stuffed with 500 kids , little kids get bumped over and get hurt.There are 500 hundred kids at Pt England school it is small for 500 kids.Wow that is allot of kids.

This is just a waste of space for this school,but sometimes we see some kids doing nothing. So Rm17 came up with an good idea we decided to make our courtyard a better place for the year 6 and up. This will stop little kids from getting hurt.

We really need a makeover because the drain is ugly and no color,leaking fountains,there’s a dirty ditch with grass in it. It is slippery on the grass,its has hard concrete.We need to get red of the grass on the fountain.

Rm seventeen really needs this extreme makeover.


  1. Talofa lava Vanessa

    Thank you so much for showing me around your school yesterday.

    I think you and your class are fabulous learners. So impressed was I with what you are doing that I have told everyone, even the taxi driver, how skilled you all are at writing paragraphs.

    Keep up the good work Vanessa

  2. Thank you for visiting our School.
    Also thank you for bringing our teacher Miss Garden back from America!!


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